Aphrodite asked:


A group of swingers on a bed doesn’t guarantee good sex for everyone involved. It is difficult enough for two people in a couple relationship to get it right, so it should be pretty obvious that it will be more difficult when three or more people who usually know much less about each other get together. Yet somehow this bit of common sense logic is not often realised by swingers.

The same sort of mistakes that men make about what they perceive women want are probably made as often in swinger group situations as they are in couple intimacy. The women in swinger group activity usually add an extra assumption that is not possible during one to one sex. It is  the assumption that the men expect them to behave bisexually. Whilst being true that watching bisexual activity between women is a turn on for many men, it is not always the case and a performance of it should never be used as substitute for heterosexual activity.

Many of the things the men do, they do without thinking it through. In one to one sex a very common mistake is for men to act aggressively, believing that most women enjoy things a bit rough and that they see aggression as a desirable indication of true masculinity. Fortunately this is a less common mistake in swinger sex because of the presence of the other men. Nevertheless, it is a error that is sometimes made, particularly when a man is performing with his own partner and showing off his dominance over her to the other participants. Behaving in an overly aggressive way without knowing what the other participants want, is more likely to cause fear and dislike rather than admiration.

The opposite mistake is for the men to be overly passive, letting the women do all the work. This trap is actually easier to fall into in a swinger group situation than it is in one to one sex. The women themselves will often appear to encourage it by giving lots of oral sex to the men. Porn movies can probably be blamed for this tendency with their prolonged scenes of actresses performing fellacio.

Oral sex and other foreplay are as important in swinger sex as it is in couple sex but it still has to be mutual. Laying back and receiving has its place but it must be complimented by as much giving. Women no more desire to be used as masturbation vessels in a group situation than they do in one to one sex. The occasions that this might not be the case are mainly where a woman is only involved in swinging to please her partner. In such cases, masturbating the other guys might be perceived as an easy alternative to allowing greater intimacy with her own body.

 

The very nature of swinger encounters, prevents participants from overdoing experimentation. This is a common mistake by men in conventional sexual relationships and it can cause their partners embarrassment and make them feel very uncomfortable. People find it hard to express not liking something that their partner clearly enjoys because it can so easily be misconstrued as a rejection. In swinger sex, the fact that more people are involved and are less well known to each other, makes it much less likely that any one participant will push to experiment with something that is outside of the groups normal behaviour. The other side of this coin is of course a tendency for swinger sex to become somewhat boring and predictable. But then swinger relationships are by their very nature about moving on to new ones all the time!



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