Aphrodite asked:


Sexual addiction, as defined by psychologists, is a ‘progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts.’ Some people consider swinging to be a form of sexual addiction but it is probably more accurate to say that amongst swingers there are some people who are so obsessed with swinging that they can fairly be described as being addicts.

Over many years of running a swingers club, I have come across both couples and singles who present certain traits and behaviour patterns which might indicate to a psychologist that they were sexually addicted. The main indications of their addiction to sex can be summarised as follows:

1. They appear to be almost incapable of talking about anything other than subjects connected with their swinging activities. For example; the parties they have been to or the ones they have heard about and are considering. If you are a member of an online swinger or adult dating club, you will probably have come across such people dominating chat room discussions.

2. Their sex life appears to be their only life. Everything they do will be planned with swinging in mind. If they plan a holiday for example, they will check out whether there are any swinging clubs in the resorts being considered and only choose a resort that has a club.

3. They believe that they have somehow ‘earned’ a good sex life by being good at flirting, have perfected sexual techniques or are otherwise seen by others as desirable sexual partners.

4. They may frown upon safe sex practices, claiming that HIV / AIDS are most unlikely to be contracted via heterosexual intercourse etc.

5. Single male sex addicts often exhibit their addiction by compulsive behaviour with regards to attending parties or using premium rate chat lines. Like a compulsive gambler on a fruit machine, they will continue attending parties that disappoint and calling expensive chat lines that produce no actual contact, telling themselves that ‘next time will be better’.

Although nobody seems to know exactly what causes people to become addicted to sex, most experts agree that a process occurs with the addict’s brain sending out a message telling them that having illicit sex is necessary in much the same way as the brain tells you that you must eat when you are hungry. Eventually a pattern is established whereby the constant messages translate into a preoccupation with sex at the expense and exclusion of other interests. Compulsive sexual behaviour is then established and perpetuated despite any negative consequences and attempts to limit it.

Swingers who are addicted to sex derive a sense of euphoria from their activities that appears to be much greater than other people derive. Their sexual experiences are rarely about intimacy and their accounts of their sexual adventures can often sound strangely detached. They are actually using sexual activity to avoid facing up to unpleasant feelings or as a response to external stressors, which, in the case of swinger couples, often include marital relationships. This kind of behaviour is of course, very typical of how an alcoholic uses alcohol. It may also be significant that swingers who show signs of being sex addicts seem more likely to reveal that they were sexually abused as children. Of course there are dangers in drawing conclusions from what is inevitably a very small number of people who have felt able to share such intimate information with me.

Overall, it is probably fair to say that amongst swingers there are bound to be many who can be described as being sexually addicted. However, compared to many other forms of compulsive sexual activity, swinging provides a very positive outcome of sex addiction.



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